Friday, March 23, 2012

Pointless Gripe: Businesses With Only One Payment Option

I cannot understand why any business would ever really operate with a one payment option only plan.  An example would be those sketchy liquor stores that only accept cash, which happen to be the ONLY liquor stores I go to.  I like a sense of pointless endangerment when I go buy my bottle of Aftershock.  Despite this, I can't help but feel there is something, unnerving about it.  I presume this is because they lost their liquor license and don't want a paper trail.  Or maybe the cops just don't want to mess with the owner, Crazy KS Thompson.  KS stands for "Kidney Shank".

The AA is to attract a certain kind of clientele.  Via Flickr.

Why would a business do this?  Do they just hate their customers?  Well for Crazy, yes, but for everybody else?  Also probably yes.  Anybody who has ever had to get a car out of impound knows this feeling.   You don't get to choose which towing company takes your car and the company can put whatever policies they like from the Middle Ages in place just because fuck you, that's why.  Actually, that's not even fair to the Middle Ages because at least there you could pay with a cow, goat, chicken, first born daughters, etc.  The last towing company I had to pay requested EXACT cash only.  I assume this is to deter robberies but if you have to do this to deter robberies, maybe you shouldn't have opened your business behind a gun store.    

It's not always cash only for these assholes.  I think everybody at one point in their lives had to pay somebody with certified funds; as in money orders, cashier checks, and wire transfers.  And I'm not talking about after bouncing a check because a business deposits payments by check anywhere between three days and August, no, I'm talking about the only form of payment you can possibly make.  I don't know about Scrooge McSmalldick over in the rich neighborhood but I don't like having to pay a fee to acquire certified funds.  I'm not even paying for a real service by doing this.  I'm paying for an inconvenience to change on form of money into another form of money.  It's like paying for alchemy. 

But this isn't the only way a company can make you have to pay them with pointless frustration.  There is a whole other plane of idiocy.  Instead of only excepting just one form of payment, sometimes companies only offer one method of making a payment.  I have had to use a company that only takes payments over the phone.  Internet and mail were not options because robots scare them.  I can't even pay them in person since they are probably hiding from the hundreds of customers they've pissed off.  These businesses that must have been formed on an acid trip in a Hunter S. Thompson novel or from just plain old insanity because this makes no sense.  I decided to drop acid myself just to try to understand their reasoning but I don't think it's working.  It hasn't kicked in yet.  I still can't understand who thinks payment only comes in the form of ITS LIKE THIS PHONE IS TALKING TO ME!  Come on, keep your composure.  Heh, look at these colors they are so loud.  What am I doing on the Internet anyway?  The lucid knomes of arrogant enlightenment can only reach you on the internet.  There is some crazy font shit happening here, no, stop.  Use the phone, it is safe.  Always safe with the phone.  The phone is safe.  Always.  SHUT UP Paypal.  You're not my pal, buddy!  Yes, I would like to play tennis with Sailor Moon.  The dishwasher is looking at me funny.

 This hallway is made of Skittles!  I like nachos.  Sadness makes me angry.  Via Flickr.

Uh, whoa, I kind of lost the plot there for a minute.  I should wrap this up before the day terrors kick in again.

Screw using businesses that restrict the method of payment and screw the businesses that people are forced to use no matter what.  Well except for Crazy KS Thompson's liquor store.  That place is awesome!  Please Crazy, I only have one kidney left and that acid you sold me yesterday really did a number on my are you really cooking bath salts on a hot plate?  That's so serendipitous.  OH!  Did you like that?  I just pulled that word out of the cosmos.  Where can I find equilibrium?  Uh huh.  Well, my Chi is mocking my haircut.....

Disclaimer:  I did not actually write this blog post while on acid.  Or maybe I did?  Who are you to judge?  You're not my mother. 

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