Saturday, February 25, 2012

Open Letter to Arvada Colorado

Dear government official or city of Arvada decorator if that is a thing somebody can be,

As an up standing, tax paying, ruggedly patriotic, Rooseveltian miracle worker of American dreams, I am concerned for the future of our community and the well being of our childreaaaa - HAHA hahaha.  I can't.  Oh shit.  Sorry.  I can't keep up this charade.  I am none of those things.  Well except for tax paying, that one is true since jail sucks.  I've never been on the board of directors to anything so I can't go to one of those fancy prisons with tennis courts, lobster dinners and Filipino personal slaves.  I'd end up going to one of those shankier prisons instead and be forced to join a gang whose philosophies are probably less than ideal.

If I was one of those attributes I listed above, I probably wouldn't even be writing this because this has no bearing on anything except making a town look ridiculous.  But since I like mocking stupid things like leaving Happy Holiday signs up on light posts in Olde Town Arvada until late February, I'm going to write about it and hey I just did.  There are Happy Holiday signs hanging up in Olde Town Arvada in late February, or what I like to call, almost March.  Februarch to be more specific.  And since they were probably put up around Thanksgiving, these signs have been hanging up a third of a year.  Ryan Phillippe's acting career didn't last that long.

I have but one purpose for this letter and just one question to ask of you.  Why are these signs still up?  The most obvious answer would be budget cuts, but this past Presidents Day, somebody put up American flags on those same light posts then took them down after the holiday.  However, the Happy Holiday signs were left up.  There is no way they could have missed them.  They would have been right in front of their faces.  It's like the worker or workers looked into a mirror, saw a dick drawn on their face with a Sharpie and concluded, "Yep.  I look good.  Off to my job interview!"  I am left to assume the signs are now meant to represent every holiday and the war on Christmas has taken a back seat to the war on Arbor Day. 

So maybe think about taking them down.  They make the city look lazy, or incompetent, or both.  Or if you decide to leave them up year round, remember that that they look ridiculous when they have snowflakes on them and it's the middle of July. 

Smart Ass Blogger

Disclaimer:  This is satirical.  I really don't care if the signs stay up since I've kind of turned it into a running joke on Twitter.  Your move Arvada!

Speaking of Twitter, do that here.  Facebook?  Yeah, the blog has that.  Or if you want something more...mail-ish, hit me up at 

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