Sunday, January 15, 2012

One Prediction Down Already. White House Won't Support SOPA, PIPA

I didn't plan on revisiting "5 Predictions for 2012" so early, but I am astonished how quickly one of my predictions got shot down like the Mexican air force.  Without even making it half way through January, one of my predictions has been severely injured.  The chances of this prediction happening now is about as likely as Bruce Willis coming out and claiming he used to be a woman.  I guess this means I'm not a psychic, but that won't stop me from continuing my business venture of 1-900-Psyc-XXX.  Call the number and I will read you your fortune, then have phone sex with you.  Females only.  Okay, males too for an increased fee.

The prediction I'm talking about is number 4, "A bill like SOPA or Protect-IP will pass and change the Internet dramatically."  The White House has just officially announced their opposition to these two bills.  This is probably due to the large backlash and because Rupert Murdoch, who is obviously the Devil or a Bond villain, loves these bills.  The bills have broad support in Congress but it's probably not broad enough to defeat a presidential veto.  It's similar to how NASCAR has broad support but not enough to have people waste 8 hours of their day off listening to commentators talk about camshafts.  They are popular, just not popular to smart people.

Of course I hedged my bets with this prediction by claiming a different but similar bill than SOPA or PIPA could pass but I forgot the fact that Congress moves slower than Aquaman working up the courage to talk to a girl.  When these bills are defeated, it isn't very likely Congress will bring up more Internet anti-piracy bills in 2012.  When Congress get hot on a topic, they love it long time.  It seems more likely that an anti-piracy bill won't actually pass till 2018, when the Internet will be implanted in our brains and the Pirate Bay will provide torrents to peoples thoughts.  If somebody ends up watching a torrent of my thoughts, man, I hope they enjoy Starship Troopers.

And don't get me wrong, thinking I'm complaining that these bills won't pass.  They're as good as deep fried weasel testicles.  It's a GOOD thing that the White House would veto these bills in their current form.  Otherwise, if these bills pass, I would have to write my stupid articles on Word, print out copies at FedEx office, and hand them out to people on the street who will probably just toss them in the trash.  I would have to abandon the Robot Hooker Party name if that happens too.  Vagrants on the street might get excited thinking that I'm inviting them to an event that their hobo minds can't quite comprehend.  

For more on SOPA, view the video below.  It's a little long (over 21 minutes) but worth it.

Authors note:  I know SOPA and especially PIPA (which should be going to a vote in a week) are not dead.  It's just the threat of a Presidential veto and the Jan. 18th SOPA protest raising awareness to people who had their heads in the sand has made it much more difficult for them to become law.

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  1. Sopa Bill? What's all this about? Why are people trying to outlaw soup? And why specifically Spanish/Mexican soup?? Have you ever had tortilla soup? It's amazing! Is this part of another anti-immigration initiative? Let me tell you, I might just be some douchebag bleeding-heart liberal, but I for one am against this homogenization of American soup culture!

  2. I think you have that wrong. The bill would outlaw all soups EXCEPT Spanish/Mexican soups. Damn illegal immigrants taking away all of our jobs in the soup sector.


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