"Everybody stay back. George needs his me time." Via Fotopedia
Apparently, Lucas wants to fix the movies because they were so horrible when they were originally made and everybody hates them. Or wait, no, the films have a giant fanbase and have expanded into hundreds of video games, books, comics, TV shows, toys, and terrible Luke-Chewbacca-Yoda threesome fan fiction; all of which has made Lucas more money than a Nigerian E-mail scammer. So it begs the question, why does he keep making changes to the movies?
The possible reasons seem endless and incredibly stupid. Maybe Lucas is some sort of anti-perfectionist that can't stop making changes until there are just enough flaws that people might stop dressing up as stormtroopers and embarrassing Lucas in front of his new, popular friends. Maybe the movies have trapped his soul and he needs to make the changes commanded to him from Xerolyx the hell knight to get it back. Maybe Lucas is trying to impress a girl but never realized that the girl was more of a Star Trek fan. Or there is the possibility that Lucas just hates his fans, which would be ludicrous considering all the money he has been given.
Then again, maybe it's not so crazy to think Lucas hates his fans. While doing promotion for his movie Red Tails (also known as that movie that looks like Pearl Harbor but that's not a bad thing right?), Lucas addressed fans that have criticized the changes made to the films. He basically blames critical fans for ending the franchise and convincing him not to make anymore canonical Star Wars films. Not like anybody really cares about that considering Star Wars Episode 7 would probably be titled, "Dark Jar-Jar Rises". That would be as entertaining as watching Ewoks yell nonsense at robots, but wait, that already happened.
Critical fans ruining Star Wars would almost make sense except for the fact that critical fans have never stopped Lucas from doing anything ever. And he also hasn't made strange changes to any Indiana Jones movies (although he doesn't have as much power with them since Steven Spielberg is the only one who knows were the antidote is), which makes it feel like he is more satisfied with them. It's almost as if Lucas makes these changes just to fuck with us.
So he has to hate Star Wars fans right? It can't be, that out of everybody that loves the Star Wars movies, he is the one that loves them least. What say you? Yes? No? Banana?
Disclaimer: This article is satirical and probably not even a very good theory. Lucas clearly just hates himself.
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